• Haley

Beyond The Shallow End

Updated: Mar 30, 2019

My faith is the newest chapter in my life. I spent my youth dabbling in religion, more for the social aspect of it than true relationship with Christ. Dabbling is much deeper than it was in reality. I knew cute boys that went to church, and boy crazy me thought, sure, I can do that too! I had lots of friends that had long family history in their faiths, friends that found a vigor and new life (that seems so ridiculous now to say about a teenager) in their newfound faith, and I admired them. I thought if these people could be young and so strong in their convictions, there must be something to it, right? After joining a youth group and even attending a church camp, I was no closer to finding God, so that part of my life got put on the back burner. There was too much fun to be had in college to even think about being a ‘Woman of Faith’ whatever that even meant. Flash forward to today: a wonderful husband, two perfect little boys and a great life and there was something missing. A void I did not know I needed filled until it’s presence was undeniable. My husband was the first to say it out loud, but I had been feeling it for awhile too. We had ‘everything’ and something was missing. So we explored a few places and landed at a church. I should say, we dipped our feet in the waters of going to church. We sat there on the edge for at least a year, maybe year and a half before we thought we should dive deeper. So here I am, in the shallow end, beginning to explore a world I never knew I needed, one that has already begun to add such depth to my life. I can feel myself growing while just barely scratching the surface in this area of discovery. I am excited, very excited to see where this journey will take me and I cannot wait to share it with you.

Sharing my faith with my family and friends? The sheer idea of that is terrifying to me. Especially at the beginning of this journey of a relationship with Christ. I know there will be a lot of support from some and a lot of questions from others. I also know that I have surrounded myself with loving, kind and supportive people. So why the fear to share this new part of my life? The honest answer - I’m a late adopter of all things in life: fashion, food, trends, etc. I am a late adopter for this reason - I like to see how all things play out before I ‘go out on a limb’ and participate in life. I am terrified to make a wrong move for fear of what people will think (yes - that is incredibly lame). I need to have all of the information, all of the answers before I am willing to raise my hand and say ‘I am in, I want a piece of that!’ It is for this reason my closet it full of very practical pieces of clothing, and the full color runs of clothes that I like. It is for that reason that I am afraid to say it out loud (outside of a church setting) that I am a believer. What if someone asks me a question and I don’t have an answer based in biblical knowledge? Will they think me a fool for claiming to believe something I don’t fully understand? Will they give me the benefit of the doubt of being at the start of this whole thing? My cheeks are burning red at the thought of that confrontation. That is the crazy world swirling inside of my head. So, what is the reality? The reality seems to be a common thing in all of humanity, inside and outside of the religious spectrum: the more you know, the more you understand how little you can ever possibly know. The people I know that have been heavily involved in any aspect of life; be it adventuring, parenting, dinosaurs, philosophy, makeup, science, marriage, and yes even religion have a deep hunger to learn more about it. People that live a life of passion understand that there is an unending pool of knowledge out there and they will be on a lifelong discovery of that passion, whatever it may be. What I believe is that there is a great creator, and I call him God. I know that this whole life means more, and cannot be a series of random coincidence. I know that I want a relationship with that Creator. I also know that man is flawed and anything created by man (I.e. religion) is inherently flawed as well. I believe that in man, absolute power corrupts absolutely and I want to go into my relationship with Christ with my eyes on Him and His Word alone. Men are flawed, but the Creator is perfect. A level of perfection that humans cannot fathom. And I strive to love my fellow humans as best I can while living in my own imperfections; know that God created me in this way for a reason.

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